Rarely does the Lord call us to the mission field, fully equipped. Rather He equips us and molds as us in the midst of the mission.
In 1986 my husband, two daughters and I moved into what we then called “the inner-city” to church plant among the urban poor. We were like deer caught in someone’s headlights. There was no hiding how green and ignorant we were to this new area of mission. We were so culturally naïve that it pains me to think back to those times.
The first two months I struggled to keep my home always clean and myself always presentable. We had teens popping over continuously as well as neighbors and I needed for them to see how together I was. I needed them to not realize I was confused, doubtful of this call the Lord had put on my heart. I was fearful I would be found out; I felt like an imposter – and a bad one at that.
Then one Sunday in front of a house full of hungry teens and young adults I dropped my homemade lasagna on the kitchen floor. We were poor so like it or not this was still going to be our meal. I wish I could say I always kept my kitchen floor spotless, but that was not the case. I scraped it up and served the mangled mess to my guests, and my family. To my amazement no one batted an eye. We ate, laughed and had a great Sunday lunch together. My new friends were gracious and accepting of me, just as I was. I realized how free I felt.
That day remains in my memory; it is a cherished memory. I accepted myself in this new context, with all my flaws and insecurities after I realized I had already been accepted by those I came to serve. No longer did my house have to be together all the time, and no longer did I have to look the part of someone without obvious flaws.
Becoming a missionary does not require you to arrive perfectly suited for the mission field. My husband and I felt like Jonah initially. We did not feel prepared or ready to come, but the Lord called all the same and we had no choice but to obey. The Lord did not let us use our own shortcomings to keep us off the mission field. He used the mission field to mold and shape us. It was not always easy. We grew right alongside the teens, adults, and families we invested into. We will never be truly prepared or completely equipped to minister here in the city, we are continually learning and growing and messing up. Oh, but how we love what we do, and the people we work alongside.